The only thing meaningful which I feel I am doing in my life, for myself, is running. I have been running for quite some time. For a change, I decided to run for a cause this year and decided to help my friend's NGO Vazhai by raising some charity money. It was not an easy task to do, definitely not given the case that there are so many NGOs mushrooming everywhere and the doubt about the genuineness of them which prevails. First of all raising money is itself difficult and then to raise it through running was even more challenging as people got confused with what I was trying to do. I started with this effort of mine two months before the Ultra and till the Ultra, was not able to raise a single penny. I ran the Ultra and came back and thought what has gone wrong. My friend (from the NGO) told me that it does not matter, I made the effort to help and he was happy with that. It was like defeat of a purpose, to me, which I had taken up and at one point of time I thought to give it up. But the idea of defeat itself is something which I cannot take easily ever and I pondered over where the message to the people went wrong. I thought I will give another push with a simpler message as to where the money contributed by them would go and what it would mean to the kids supported by the NGO. And here you go, mails started coming in from friends, colleagues and from people whom I did not know asking me to come over and collect the contribution. I was so overwhelmed by the heartening gesture of the people who supported my cause. It made me feel that my life is worth living ... nothing melodramatic when I say this. Total contribution till date is about 17,500 Rs. towards Vazhai and I am thankful to each and every individual who came forward and contributed. I am thankful to them for they showed faith in me, most of the times even without having known me in person.
Bad news was to follow a week before the Mumbai marathon. My father has not been keeping well for quite some time now. I got a call from my sister on sunday night around 11pm that his condition had gone critical suddenly and they had to move him to hospital. I could not think of anything else than how my mom and sis would be managing this traumatic situation. Reached Patna by noon next day and went to the hospital where dad was in ICU. When I go to hospitals, I think that this is the reality of life. Bigger reality when I go to cremation grounds for someone's cremation and sit and think in front of the pyre that someday all of us have to be on that. We are all walking towards our death, the supreme reality and yet we live without much meaning associated to this life as if it would never end, as if we are immortals. I was shocked to see my father in such frail condition. Someone who had been sportsman during his youth can be in such a fragile condition lying in ICU was a depressing scene. And the crap thing with me is that with such traumatic things happening in life, I don't even have tears in my eyes. I did not have a tear in my eyes when my grand father died, not when my grandma died. The greater the pain, more frigid I become, devoid of any emotions. It's only logical thought process then, how to manage the medication expenditure, how to manage everything else in life. Apart from these conditions, my decisions, my actions are driven by heart and pures instinct. Nothing like brain being involved at any time. Crazy, can't help it though.
Dad came home from hospital on thursday. While attending to him in hospital, thoughts would come up about running the Mumbai marathon. With my elder brother coming on the weekend, dad becoming more stable with every passing day and with the contributions by folks in my office towards the charity, I started developing a kind of guilt if I would not run the Mumbai marathon (crazy it seems). I started seeing it as lack of commitment if I did not run for the cause which I had championed so much. So, I booked the ticket to Mumbai wishing dad will be fine.
Finally I reached mumbai on Friday evening and stayed at a friend's place. Could not thank Suresh enough as he got my running kit from Bangalore, as I had no hopes of running Mumbai marathon when I had left for Patna. I had also to meet a prospect for Rakesh (my friend) in Mumbai after the run on Sunday. So my schedule was packed. The SCMM expo was held at WTC on saturday and met fellow runners from bangalore. The run started Sunday morning at 6. It was a road race. SCMM is the best marathon in India given the crowd support you get as a runner throughout the course. First few kilometers were along the marine drive and I was doing well. Morning walkers cheered us. People by the side of the road took snaps of ours and I felt I am a star. When else had so many total strangers had taken a snap of mine? I believe its the soul they respect which runs marathons and not the person. Mostly ran alone till 15th kilometer and made friends with one guy Sanjay who had come on a vacation from US. We ran together and talked about different things. Then, we were joined by a police inspector who was very cheerful and supportive and kept motivating me as he ran with us. I could keep pace with them till 25th km I think. I was doing good till then but on the exposed Rajiv Gandhi sea link I started developing cramps in thighs. To my horror, there were no aid stations on the sea link which was near 5-6 km stretch. One of the guys had fainted on the sea link and when I stopped at one point, I started feeling dizzy. I was thinking I had to finish this race somehow as I had dedicated it to my father. I would thank the people of mumbai, for they came out of their houses to cheer us up, to hand out water, biscuits, fruits, candies and not the least to motivate us. I was in 30s and this is the leg when real marathon starts. At one point when I saw a half filled Gatorade on the road ahead of me and no aid station in front of me, I thought I would gulp it down but then my ego said you won't pick something thrown on the ground and it was my 36th km. I had already hit the wall. I was dead tired where the body was saying it cannot go another meter but heart said I have to complete the race. And I did the unthinkable till then, I grabbed a half peeled orange on the embankment left by someone. The eyes of people popped out when they saw me peeling it and gulp it down during my run. Believe me, orange juice had never felt so tastier in my entire life. Then a beautiful thing happened. A small boy from the slums started running with me. He did not say anything, I did not say anything. He was pacing me up and ran with me for 300m or so. I loved it. I started pacing myself, though had to stop every 200-300m to catch on breath as it had become horribly hot. Through the course, I had seen wives, kids, families of runners waiting for their loved to turn up so that they could take pictures of them, cheer them. And I thought while running, that god bless me with a wife along with whom I could cross the finish line of a marathon someday :-). Weird, but you get all sorts of thoughts when you run a marathon. Then I took a wrong turn in the last kilometer and had to search my way out and had to do some extra 800 m or so in the end. Those final kilometers made me feel if I was climbing some mountain or so. Finally was happy to have finished a really challenging run.
Went home, slept after lunch to be woken up by a phone call which I did not know, rang since when. Gosh, it was Mini, the prospect of my friend whom I had to meet. I rushed to the Bayer building in HiraNandani. I felt really sorry to have kept her waiting for more than an hour but she was a sensible girl as she understood what it takes to run a marathon. We sat down at KFC and chatted for an hour and half. Felt good as I made a total stranger happy and laugh at my talks, so the guilt of having kept a girl waiting washed away. Went back to friend's place and thanked them for providing shelter. Caught the train and was back in bangalore next day.
This whole experience packed in a week helped me in making self discoveries -
1) that I am not the one to give up at any point of time. The harder the life would come at me, stronger I will be.
2)I understood from the people of Mumbai how an unconditional care, love and support would help a fellow being. There is joy in giving too !
3)When conditions are too bad, I can do anything to survive.
